I bet he comes in French.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
