Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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