I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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