Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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