I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
