this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ttyl tear gas
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just blew my weed a kiss
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
