my room smells like sperm. sweet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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