I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you never un-have a 4some
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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