On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
