Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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