You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
