So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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