did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize