I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize