They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
