I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
