The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
