i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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