So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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