Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
