Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize