if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
