her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
