Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
