Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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