12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
