Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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