i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
