Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
