ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
