I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
