so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
