it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
