It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
