The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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