Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
