My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
