kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
