why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize