People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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