question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
