You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
