I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
