We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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