I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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