i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have tasted many bathrooms
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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