she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
