if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
