I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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