maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
