I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
