why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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