I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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