i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
