A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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