She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
