CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
