She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
