awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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