I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
