im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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