I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
