why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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