I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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