did you get engaged???
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
